Freaking out!

Well, here it is: my first blog entry.  It’s a pre-departure entry, so no, even though it’s Feb. 17^th, I have yet to leave the country. That doesn’t mean, however, that there’s nothing to write about…there’s plenty to write about.

1)      I really am super excited to go, however I’m also super nervous because I’ve never left the county before, and there are so many things I don’t know how to do. For example:

a.       Navigate an Airport (especially alone) [partly in Spanish]

b.      Exchange Currency [in Spanish]

c.       Apply for a Visa [in Spanish]

d.      Navigate a City (especially alone) [in Spanish]

e.       Register for Classes [in Spanish]

f.       Speak Spanish (ok, that one’s actually a lie, but I feel like I don’t know how to do it anymore and I’m going to a place where the first language is Spanish and what if I forget everything I know? Or just…can’t remember it when I need it?)

2)      I am psyching myself out.  This hit me this morning when I woke up from a bizarre stress/sick dream. [Caution: this is really is bizarre, either bear with me, or just skip this part] I was in Argentina with my whole family and all the students in the program with me were essentially all the students from my high school.  We (everyone involved) were in a store in Argentina and I wanted to buy things, but I ran into someone from school and they asked how much I had to spend and I showed them my (U.S.) currency and they just looked at me and were like, “You haven’t exchanged your money yet?”  And I was a little taken aback, but then realized that’s what I had to do.  I’m pretty sure that in the dream I wasn’t the one who exchanged my money, I think it was my dad. He came back and had a bunch of Euros (even though they should have been pesos, Euros were accepted) and he was trying to teach me their value, but I wasn’t getting it, and then he got frustrated at me for not picking it up right away.  Then the scene switched and my family had gone back to the States I guess, and I was on my way to the IES Abroad Center with a couple other students, some of whom were the “mean boys” from high school, others were made up people that I think had some attributes from people on that smash NBC hit “The Voice”…anyways…when we got to the place, which ended up just being a house, I was already doing things wrong.  I’d had gross stuff in my teeth and was spitting it out, but there was always more there and it wasn’t until I picked it out of my mouth (instead of trying to spit it out) that it finally stopped. But by the time that happened, there was grossness all over the ground and the mean boys were disgusted and were looking at me like I was some sort of alien, already I wasn't fitting in… I don’t really remember what happened next, I just know there were like 12 of us sitting around a long table, and I’m pretty sure it was still a bad experience.  Then I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep, so of course my mind started thinking of all the things I have left to do. Which brings me to my next point,

3)      I haven’t started packing yet.  I have 8 days until I leave. I have like, a million things I need to do.  One of these is packing. I don’t even know where to begin…probably by making a list…I’m a list person.  I should probably do that right after I’m done with this.

4)      There are a lot of unknowns with my housing situation.  I know that I will be in a homestay with a 63 year old woman who lives alone and teaches English, but I also know that I will be living with another IES student from Penn State.  Now, I’m super excited about this, but I’m also really nervous about compatibility stuff.  I mean, at Hope, there is an extensive process to make sure you are living with someone compatible with you as far as when you wake up, when you go to bed, the environment in which you prefer to study, interests and hobbies, etc.  Not so much here.  So I’m really worried that I won’t have a housemate that I’ll like or be friends with, and there is potential (in that) for a tense living-space atmosphere.  So there are just a lot of unknowns there that are causing some anxiety.

5)      I’m also worried that I’ll be too worried and anxious to enjoy anything.  That’s a weird one.  I’ve been told maybe a thousand times that this is going to be the experience of a lifetime, and that I’ll love it.  I’m sure that’s true, but I feel like there is so much weird pressure to have the best possible time there and that if I don’t do everything possible then I’ll have wasted a trip.  However, I know that if I do do everything, then I’ll be completely burned out and not enjoy anything…so I guess I just have to find the balance between doing things and enjoying what I’m doing…right?  Or maybe it’s better put if I say I need to find the balance between experiencing all I can and knowing my limits?  Meh, I know it’s in there somewhere. And I’m sure that at least someone reading this is thinking “Kiki, because you’re worrying about it, that means you’ll be able to find the balance.”  I hate that sentence. People tell me that about so many things. It’s kind of frustrating.  Also: if I stop worrying about it, does that mean it’s a potential threat again?  Probably.  So...point is: I’m just going to keep worrying about it.

6)      And another thing!  What about my spiritual life (yeah…that’s 6^th…)?  Will I find a place down there with some sort of Christian group that I’ll like?  I mean, if you find a church and don’t like it, I probably won’t go, and so it doesn’t help anything. I mean, I know a lot of Latin America is Catholic…so I guess that’s good, right?  That’s one of the things I’ll just have to figure out when I get there…like pretty much everything else, lol.  I just want to make sure that I don’t get too caught up on my own life to remember to make time for God.  It happens to me all the time in the States, so what’s to keep it from happening in Argentina?...maybe the fact that I won’t have anything familiar (besides Annalise (one of my best friends who is going to Argentina also)) will make me lean more on God? We’ll see, I guess.

I think that’s just about it.  So in case you missed it, this was kind of a large prayer-request list.  I’m feeling really anxious about going and as of now I’m almost completely unprepared.  I have 8 days to get ready, but it doesn’t seem like enough. 

In a concise way, here are my prayer requests:

1.      Peace…about a lot of things (pre-departure, departure, and post-departure, housing, classes, life...basically everything)

2.      That I’ll remember that God is always in control and even though I’m leaving everything I know, he is still with me and won’t leave me.

3.      Safety in general, and common sense as far as safety is concerned.

4.      Dedication/Motivation to get things done before I leave.

5.      Some sort of wisdom that will guide me and give me peace about what to pack and what not to pack.

6.      More dedication and motivation for when I’m there to continue my blog…

7.      And I’m already feeling burned out…so a renewal of energy?

I think that’s all.  Thank you so much.

Love,

Kiki